suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
