I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just found puke in my bra..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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