i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
