I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
