Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
