I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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