Don't you send me to vm
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think my vagina is haunted
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
