Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
