I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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