fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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