I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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