she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
