Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
