Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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