oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
