If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
