We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
please don't ironically join a cult
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