my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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