You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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