I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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