I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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