I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
