Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
