How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
