The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
