Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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