My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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