Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
