She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
