Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
