Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
