Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
