That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i think im in europe. pls send help
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