My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
