Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
