I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
