whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
