I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
