I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
