She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
