Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
sarcasm needs its own font
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Success! We fucked roommates!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
