i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
