I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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