I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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