New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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