So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
