I hope mine doesn't look like that
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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