I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
