My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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