Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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