How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
