She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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