I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
this beer tastes like vomit already
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
